Larry Larry Larry

Just saw on the ESPNticker Larry Hughes is likely to miss tomorrow's game, what a surprise. All this guy is good at is getting hurt. Hurray! Cleveland the Cavaliers play a lot better without this clown. Flip Murray helped us in his absence last year. The 360 layups he attempts while flying in the lane have a very high level of difficulty and he seems to forget the role of a point guard every game. He doesn't finish plays and laughs whenever he turns the ball over and doesn't draw the call. This is probably the worst signing in the resurgence of any professional organization. Danny Ferry is at fault for all of this, no wonder the guy looks sleepless. I hope the Cavaliers or Lebron tie it up tomorrow. Bottom line- he sucks terribly and we would never have this idiot if Boozer "didn't stab man a blind man in the back" (Johnny shared this defeatist Cleveland sports fan cliche with me). Larry is soft as shit and shouldn't be taking after a tattoo fad 'Lil Wayne and Baby created.

Uomo Universale

As I am now back in the States, I was reflecting on my great experience and strenuous classes while being abroad in Eire. I was also recalling some funny conversations I had with a few of my pals while travelling, and one conversation stuck out.
My good friend Sean was studying abroad in Prague (locally pronounced Praha) and he went on a passion filled tangent on some of the squares who study abroad. I'll touch on a few highlights, as I was quite amused by the observation and I hope the comestronger community is as well.

Sean was poking fun at certain students who study abroad for a semester, that is, 5 months of their life, and quickly come to the conclusion and bold assertion that they are "Never coming back to the States, dude" or "Definitely going to live there, man." These kids state that the current country they are in is "So much better than the US" and that "they are having the time of their life. I would be remiss not too mention that this experience is a blast, but as Sean put it
-it is a 6 month vacation.
-you are travelling to some of the most exotic and coolest places in the world.
-you are with good people and meeting up with great friends.
-classes are a joke.
-for most, you are blowing $10,000 of your PARENT'S money.
and take Prague for example
-there are 4 main beers, which are all quite good, which call the city their home.
-weed is legal "in small amounts" (there is no set law)
-its dirt cheap (not all places however, but who cares cause its the old man's flow)

So, when examining the points above we all can see that its a very tough life when abroad.
How about when (lets not include some places like London, etc)
-you need a job?
-you want certain rights?
-you get sick?
-you arent on an open budget?
-you dont know the language and are there for an extended period of time?
Im not saying that the States are a Utopia (not including Cleveland), but cmon.
The funny thing is, these strokers that boldly make this statement are the simpletons that could never hack it over there. If they had to stay another month after classes ended and their friends left they would crumble. So, in hindsight, I would like to tell these students errrrr vacationers to shut their trap, have fun while overseas (the time of their life!!!), and get the hell back to the States. Don't ever say that again.
If yaaa smellalalalalala, what the rock....is cookin.

In other news, I hope this long weekend (big surprise RoRo wanted to start work around this time) was just a break for comestronger's blog contributors. Anybody know on the whereabouts of Jonny??

A few letters to Rome
-The Falcons are screwed they let Matt Schaub go.
Signed, Lassie

-Favorite Food: Chicken
-Favorite Athlete: Marcus Vick, Clinton Portis, and Little Jerry Seinfeld
-Favorite Movie: Homeward Bound
-Favorite TV show: Scooby Doo
My card is Mastercard, My name Michael Vick

BC Graduation stories, ahhhhh!

This weekend my cousin Kate happened to be in San Francisco for a bachelorette party. I was sitting with her and my sister, when I wanted to steer the conversation away from meaningless jibber jabber on wedding talk over a Miller Lite can. So I asked, "How was Chris's graduation?" The second I prompted the question I wish I could've had the ten seconds back and gone somewhere else with my train of thought. Kate graduated in 2004 and my sister Monica maybe was the class of 98. These two girls started recalling their days of BC graduation and all of their stories were killing me softly. This post isn't an indictment against the institution of BC, a great institution I suppose but it is Rather a plea for help as I know many of the comestronger contributors are BC graduates and current students. I am trying to stir the pot and iniate some participation because I know of some that check the site regularly but don't contribute with their own thoughts or material errrrrr Tim Klug.

There is some bacculearate mass (spelling? matters) and I guess Chris refused to go. I guess it just wasn't something for him after a long week of drinking, which brings me to another point. What sort of cushy institution gives their students an entire week off after exams for school sponsored drinking. I sure got robbed on this one, my parents were flying in as I was taking my last exam, no week of extended drinking for me (this tradition sounds pretty nice). At his parents mercy he attended the mass and I guess his parents swelled up with tears, his dad was a graduate of BC at the time the modulars went up, he's really of proud of this fun filled fact.

Kate talked about how she relived her graduation days and joined Chris and his friends not only for the full weekend of graduation festivities but also for staying up the entire night at the parking lot roof and watch the sun come up. One might pose the statement to "Get a life" in these desperate measures to relive their golden days. My sister chimed in with her own details. It was very painful hearing these stories being a CU graduate (Go Buffs!), because Kate recalled, how those that didn't attend BC just "don't get it." I looked at my Miller Lite can 3/4 full at the moment and retreated to the kitchen to chug the rest and grab another for myself, without asking if they needed another (care). I clearly don't get it, college is just a four year time period, I had fun. I was proud of my 2.8 gpa all throughout high school and college, consistency is a tough thing to achieve. Not everyone can be a CU graduate, a great skiier and complete jag off (joining the long list of esteemed CU alumni, Chauncey Billups and Robert Redford), knowing how to pick their courses around not what you want to study but rather the ski season and not having Friday classes, I advise vehemently against the latter it adds a whole new dynamic to the weekend leaves one with a complete sense of hopelessness on Sunday night.

After the parking lot I guess her brother and his friends were acting crazy and dancing on tables with their shirts off singing Avril Lavigne. Maybe this year's class wasn't one for the ages, I didn't think this occassion was all too funny and am hopeful none of you guys would do this, this might rank lower than rolling up your sleeves twice or even resorting to Chuck Norris jokes to salvage a sense of humor. Maybe these kids didn't get out all too much in high school, dare I say late bloomers, to each his own I guess. After the dancing she coached Chris and his friends to take showers before the commencement, which I guess was painfully hot and long. While they were doing this she went to the Eagles Nest to get Chrissy and his friends bagels, so they would have some food in their stomachs to soak up all the booze. My cousin and her parents have a slight case of the empty nest syndome and jump on the chance to attend any BC related event to the fullest. While they aren't as extreme as the Dobrowski family only time will tell. I would also like to take this moment to congratulate Caroline on a great four years at BC, she is made up of some great moral fiber (please insert your stories in the unlikely event you have any).

Yada Yada Yada....just a bunch of meaningless words to me, couldn't help to listen so I could contribute to this great blog. I must say I had a strong visit to the mods Rath's senior year, 16 plus hours of drinking for the Rutgers game I believe.

Some Lazy Monday Afternoon Typecasting

First time, long time. Thanks for the vine Jimmy....

I don't like people who roll their sleeves up more than once over. I hate seeing someone who has their sleeves up to their elbows or even over the elbows so it is tight around their upper arm. I almost always end up hating these people when I meet them and I never become friends with them. We have some spare at my office who loves to do this. Someone please tell me if they have ever genuinely embraced someone who does this. They are not a friend of comestronger. (I also published this take recently on another popular website).

I also frown upon the proliferation of people using the likeness of Chuck Norris for humor. I laughed at few of those method jokes when they came out two years ago. Some were ok, most were hideous. I do not understand why people still love to send videos of Walker, put a picture of Chuck Norris doing a karate move as their facebook picture, or use Norris quotes for humorous effects. I have seen this a fair amount recently. Get your own humor and some creativity. This is for an even simpler mind than those who are average readers of this site.

That's all I got for now. In other news, go the cavaliers.

War Sheed's white spot on his domepiece.

Coats for kids

Sifting through the mass of articles on espn.com this morning, I saw an article by Scoop Jackson that interested me. I normally shy away from anything he has to say, but it had been awhile and I needed to be reminded why I dislike this guy.

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=jackson/070518&lpos=spotlight&lid=tab6pos2


Clever little article, similar to a list I made when I was 15 for an away message (no joke). I thought maybe Scoop had pieced together some sense until I got to this line:

"Life is short. Donate a throwback to a shelter or give one to someone who's homeless."

Is he serious? Provided that he was earnest in this urging, Scoop Jackson is not just one of the worst sports writers of our time, but one of the most misinformed and confused people in this country. While I am no expert on the reality that is homelessness, I can't understand what a throwback would do for someone on the street. Wouldn't that just lead to more problems? I mean, of course, unless the recipient gets to the local library and sells the thing on eBay after verifying their bank account and credit card. Cold and hungry I can just imagine my response if the somehow-affluent Scoop Jackson handed me a Hardwood Classics Pete Maravich jersey:
"Thanks Scoop, but you know what I really want..."
"The matching flat brim hat??"
"No I was thinking like a bite or a blanket?"

Maybe, Scoop, you should buy your throwbacks, auction them off, and give the proceeds to a shelter. No better yet, just buy food and blankets and give them to the good man Jim Skerl; he knows what to do with them. And my last piece of advice Scoop, stop writing articles.

War on Scoop Jackson. Moron.

News

Since I am in the limbo of summer, stuck between finals and work, I have had ample time to watch ESPN throughout this week. I thought I would update you guys on a news story you may have missed.

1) Amare Stodemire was suspended. So were Boris Diaw and Robert Horry. It was unfair.

Let me know if you guys need any more information on the topic.

15 hot dogs

This is an email my brother sent me. His friend Goo wrote about how their other friend Bucks ate 15 or 16 hot dogs at the Indians game, it was dollar dog night. Bucks is a living legend in Cleveland and is known to be intense at whatever he's doing. He has many nicknames (shanna, the wagon and Chucks) Their is a lot of lingo in the email and they speak in code, might have to read it a couple times.

Friends: (I say friends because I believe the dream that is the frat is something unobtainable)

I played witness last night to a feat so outrageous and hideous it could have only been perpetrated by the Shanna himself. The man choked down 16 hot ds within the first 5 innings of play last night between the Twins of Minnesota and the Indians of Cleveland. Albeit the hot ds he ate were out of bun, but I ask you does it really matter? Think about it, what is more disgusting a d in the bun or a d outside of the bun? I advance that a d without bun is much more revolting and horrid. Allow me to recap:

We arrived at the Jake at about 7:00, 5 minutes before the first pitch. Shanna and I had seats in the upper view box behind home plate. As soon as we got into the stadium The D Wagon vultured upon the first d vendor he saw. 5 ds. As we were making our way to the seats Wagon was methodically sucking on ketchup packets and sucking down d. The 5 ds from the vendor were gone by the time we had reached our section. That's right folks 5 ds gone while on the move. Before we sat in the seats The Food Wagon treated himself to 5 more ds and before the end of the first half inning these had disappeared as well.

It was at this point I first noticed the change in his demeanor. Something was going on in his head. He was a bit incoherent and saying things that didn't make sense. I could tell at this point he was tripping off of d. I asked, nay begged him to slow down his grueling pace and he obliged, that is until the third inning kicked off. The next batch of 5 ds was by far the most nauseating of all. In an effort to satiate his palate the Wagon switched up his condiments. Instead of the usual ketchup and mustard, the D Wagon smothered his row of ds in a finely chopped onion. SICK!!!! Wagon managed to get these ds down, it was a struggle however. Time frame: top of the third

The final d was the biggest tussle. After Chucks had finished his 15th weenie we made our way to meet up with Dandis, The Cock, and Skiskiski at the Batter's Eye saloon in center field over there. Ski brought a platter of 6 ds to the alter of Shanna. At the sight of the first D the Wagon unwrapped I knew it would be impossible. The d was blackened and shriveled. It looked uneatable, at least I wouldn't eat it. The Chucks lodged the first bite of his d in his throat. It wouldn't go down. He lurched and the d reappeared. He looked at the d as if to say, no hot d will get the better of me and then graciously resumed eating the partially digested d. I was amazed and sickened all at once. Only a true double feature creature could have done what the Wagon did. And for this we owe him a debt of gratitude. And there you have it, 16 ds in 5 innings. Congratulations Shanna!

The depressed

p.s. I had 4 ds and none of them were good so I can only imagine what the D Wagon went through during his 5 inning struggle.

p.p.s. I will send out another email regarding the cougar slaying of Lopez that took place two weeks ago (she was the hottest) so long as The Wagon refrains from sending out pictures of beautiful feline

I apologize for the score, it was never 5-3 Carmona pitched a shut out.

Jungle Charma!

So yesterday I was at Jacobs Field for the Indians game courtesy of Mr. Rath. We had some crispy seats behind home plate and got there at the 7th inning stretch. The Indians were down 4-3 and Victor Martinez was up. He fought off two or three pitches and then cracked one to left field, the stadium erupted. Next up was Ryan Garko, I was sitting with George and Rath and I started yelling Jungle Charma! He was on Jim Rome the day before and was saying it was going to be a huge game because they were going against Santana, one of the best pitchers in the MLB. Garko is a second year phenom, just an all around great guy and player, he makes Cleveland a better place, he hit one to left field also on the first pitch. The Jake erupted again! I know I am simple for liking Jim Rome but this was Jungle Charma in action. Rath even started chanting "Jungle Charma" also, George was laughing but I don't think he gets sports and Jim Rome like the way me and Rath do. Rome was saying that sometimes when people do interviews things pan out for the interviewee and it certainly did on this Thursday in Cleveland, the Indians went on to win 5-3 and Carmona pitched a full game.

Huuuuuuuuugghes

The following are actual conversations picked up on Stephanie Ready's courtside mic:

Larry Hughes: Shit man am I getting boooed?

Donyell Marshall: Hey man, don't worry, theyr'e really just saying "Huuuuuuuughes" and not "Boooooooo"

Larry Hughes: Oh good bro I thought they were upset with my pitiful performence.

Donyell Marshall: Naw dude its cool I haven't hit a shot all night and they just keep saying "UUUUUUUU" as in "U"CONN

***

Donyell Marshall: I think Reggie Miller just called me fat.

Larry Hughes: Naw homey, that was phat with a 'ph' .... just keep shooting.

Donyell Marshall: Tight, you too man. Wanna room together in New Jersey on Friday?

Top 10 jag off lines

After seeing the Rather brothers recent Top 10 lists I would be remissed if I didn't contribute my own. I know all of you have that older cousin, uncle or family friend who you cling to at pseudo serious functions for an escape from grueling, intellectual conversation from the superiors who don't wish to explain yourself to. "So Putter, tell us about your summer internship at IMG?" You get the point, usually these are rattled off the tongue with a cold cocktail or beer resting comfortably their hand. It's a simple, Cleveland errr Midwestern escape from being serious and just living in the now.

10. Does the pope wear a funny hat?
This is one is simple, simple, simple. Usually a guy will say this after he is asked something he deems just ridiculous, such as "Hey man...you want another beer?"

9. Tall hat and...no cattle
Used when you are ripping on someone that talks a big game but has very little to show for it.

8. Hotdog down a hallway.
Usually this is said when you're sitting around telling your buddies about some slut you stuffed, who's been stuffed many times before.

7. Dress for the job that you want, not the one you have.
Even if you work in a mail room dress sharp because you never know who's looking and might be refer you for another job.

6. Lock your daughters up, it's Thirsty Thursday.
This is said by complete meatheads who are spring breaking in Ft. Lauderdale, Lake Havasu or South Padre (Party) Island and attend schools such as Penn State, Arizona State, Bowling Green, UConn and Slippery Rock.

5. Why don't you shave your dog's ass and teach it to walk backwards?
Totally something an Italian wop (with out papers, reference to Ellis Island) would say out of stupidity with no relevance to anything, a bail out if you will, in times of uncertainty.

4. What did mama die from? TOO much sauce.
Sorry for the Cleveland bias on this one but it can apply to any city you reside in. In short there was a place called Mama's Boy that served late nub grub and you could ask the cashier that knowing the answer would be "too much sauce" it was a great way to strike familarity with the patrons of this former eatery and get your food order before others for being appreciative of the roots. I guess Mama's Boy did indeed pass away from eating too much of the sweet, delectable bbq sauce or so the urban legend goes.

3. Love the one you're with.
This one is titled after some Steely Dan classic or 70's hard rock classic (can't recall). Maybe you tell your cousin you're trying to hit some spicy girl even though you have a girlfriend, thus his answer.

2. Stepping over dollars to save pennies.
You can say this to your buddies when they're being really cheap and only throwing 3 dollars in on a keg of Beast Light instead of ponying up and paying 7 or 8 dollars each and getting something a little better. Sometimes going out of your way is counter productive and in the end doesn't mean shit.

1. The apple doesn't fall too far from the tree.
Maybe your dad drank Mad Dog in College and one of your uncles gets wind that you're being a hood rat also and taking after his hideous habits, or maybe your uncle tells you your dad was notorious for hogging and you immediately become depressed because you crave fat chicks also.

"Know Your Role"

These words had to have been said by Cavaliers coach Mike Brown to Larry Hughes sometime before or during the second quarter of Monday's game four.

What a different player he was after the first quarter in which he went 2-for-7 from the field. In the same quarter, LeBron attempted only one shot and made it. There are few instances in which Hughes can take more shots than LeBron and get away with it, and dribbling down the court and creating his own shot without any passes is not one.

Hughes was quoted this week in Sports Illustrated talking about playing point guard, and said, "Coach [Mike Brown] told me he wanted to have the ball in my hands earlier in the shot clock so I can make more plays for my teammates. As a point guard I can get any shot whenever I want it."

Is it just me or do those two sentences starkly contrast?

The second sentence was Hughes in the first quarter, "creating his shots" and making it easy for the Nets to transition.

The first sentence was closer to Hughes the rest of the game. Although he only had one assist in the game, and has only 11 in the series, he gave the ball up to his teammates, or rather, his teammate from SVSM. He wasn't necessarily making plays for his teammates, but he was helping by not trying to make plays by himself.

While I have been anti-Hughes all season, I see his value in the playoffs. I nearly bite my lip off everytime he has the ball, but his value on defense is huge.

I don't at all think he is a bad player, but this temporary fix with him at PG is a stretch. Just look at his inlet passes to Ilgauskas and Gooden. I like him much more as a wing player who, when passed the ball, knocks down open shots. (Ex. Left baseline int he third quarter)

The only problem with moving him to the wing means Eric Snow will play more. Hughes does everything Snow can do at PG, but is a better defender and knocks down open shots. This has to be what Mike Brown sees, and has decided that having shooters Hughes and Sasha Pavlovic on the floor is the best situation.

If only he had a little more experience in the league, I would love to see Daniel Gibson running the point with Hughes and LeBron on the wing and Pavlovic off the bench.

I'll go along with Mike Brown's set though, as long as LeBron is the one that has the ball in his hands earlier in the shot clock.

Prediction for game 5: Z finds his flow and rains buckets. The Big Fella goes off for 26 points and 16 boards as he finally asserts himself in the playoffs and the Cavaliers win 95-86. I never thought I'd say this, but Drew Gooden is carrying us through the playoffs along with LeBron right now. What a fine time for a little Lithuania.

Suspend Robert Horry for the rest of his career except for fourth quarters.

War on Jose Jimenez.

"Tonight the wine & gold deliver, hard workin' town, hard workin' team...

That was a great game. I am huge fan of Sasha Pavlovic. I loved how he was mouthing "I am going to f*ck you up" to Mikki Moore. Moore has been such a degenerate the whole series and had not done a thing until tonight. Even better, however, was Sasha's reaction to VC talking shit the whole way down the court. This was incredible and Sasha waved his finger to his ear and said I can't hear and just laughed and VC jawed in his face the whole way down the court. I also liked how Lebron stepped up and started talking shit to Moore until he had to restrain him when Pavlovic went postal. This is all a part of playoff basketball but it is good to see someone get pissed consistently and bring some attitude where it is lacking. Z, Hughes, and Bron won't do it. Pavlovic epitomizes the hard working spirit of Cleveland and the "take no prisoners" attitude that so many of its citizens embrace. We are 7-1 in the playoffs and that's all we can take away from it. Beggars can't be choosers and as fans of Cleveland sports, we need to recognize this run for what it is and not nitpick about certain negative points. It could be much worse. Mikki and Vince Carter were put in their place and it feels good. The Q will be electric on weds night.

YOU WON'T.

Chris Berman's Top Ten Plays of the Week (Only there are more than ten, rarely plays, and it's not a weekly segment) 5/14/07 Edition

I just got done watching sportscenter. I was happy to see Boomer decided to come into the studio and give his "Top Ten Plays of the Week" which is never ten and very rarely consists of actual plays. It should also be noted it does not run every week but only when Boomer decides to come in for the NFL or other special Sundays, like Masters Sunday (so he can wear his green blazer and make the same joke every year), and in this case - Mothers' Day. So, once you break it down, basically all of the words in the title of the segment are inaccurate. I know some fellow contributors have made jokes and conversation about this in the past but this week's edition lived up to the segment's reputation. Today's edition of "top ten" did not disappoint as usual. This is actually what they were without any of my embellishments for comedic purposes. (I did take quick notes once I saw the road he was heading down).

10 - A softball pitcher from Tennessee setting the new record for wins in NCAA softball (Not a play).

9 - Derek Fisher's emotional return to Game Two of the Jazz- Warriors series after a cancer surgery for his daughter in NYC earlier that day (Again, not a sports play).

8 - Various outfield assists in which a runner was called out at a play at the plate. I believe 3 or 4 were shown and focused on Philadelphia Phillies outfielder Shane Victorino. Berman showed this because he was actually at the game calling it for ESPN so it was quite self-serving in that he could show the clip of his own call on what basically happens every day in baseball. Victorino is also the second Hawaiian to ever play in MLB and Berman obviously thought this was an nice little nugget of info, worthy of top ten status and a tacky punch line of "he threw that one all the way from Waikelua, Maui!!" It is my personal belief he made this a top ten clip so he could use that terrible line. (Again, this was not one, but multiple plays, apparently just assigned to the #8 "play" slot)

7 - Baron Davis' dunk on Andrei Kirilenko. This was an amazing play, worthy of a top spot.

6 - The famous 17th Island Hole at TPC at Sawgrass. Various clips of shots going in the water were shown (Golf hole = not a play).

5 - They took a commercial break at the half way point and I got wrapped up in a Law and Order: SVU on USA Network. I turned back as play 5 was ending but all I saw was Sheep eating out of a trough of farm feed and Berman saying "...anything for a free meal!!" I don't know what the particular clip was but it was definitely not sports related and an event is not a singular play.

4 - A montage of various NHL highlights from the week. This consisted of multiple plays from multiple games from multiple playoff series.

3 - A montage of 4 very good MLB catches in the outfield. Including plays made by Torii Hunter and Carl Crawford. Multiple players and games were shown.

2 - A segment showing the double eagles made at the TPC tour event this week. There were two of them on different holes.

1 - Mothers' Day. Various shots of mothers sitting in the crowd at baseball games, basketball games, and other sporting events. Sports clips shown including A-Rod wearing a pink wrist band and MLB players hitting home runs with pink bats. This was not a play, nor singular.

As this clearly shows, Berman is a fat caricature of a "journalist" and this segment is laugh-out-loud funny every time.

Hey Caddy!

I wish to share some observations I noticed on the caddy culture at Canterbury Golf Club. Upon arriving I say my hellos to the regular guys who have been there forever and have made it "Up north" again after spending the winter months caddying at a Florida club. This is a very regular occurrence for caddies in Cleveland and I am sure other northern or Midwestern states also. I noticed the first question everyone asks each other is "How was your winter?" They ask it as if it was tough to survive in Cleveland or anywhere else and it' s such a relief that they can return to Canterbury again, be safe and make some money. I conjured up images in my head of Moscow, Russia or somewhere like that where it would be a tough winter and just replied to everyone that yes I survived. I am thankful I have a real job coming up and this will probably be the last week I carry someone's golf bag other than my own and I will never have to "chase carts" with a wet towel and ask someone if they need a "wipe on the green" (terminology for washing a guy or girl's ball off of sand, small grass and other debris). I have found that usually it is so dire for someone to have a clean ball and it really increases their chances of draining a ten or twenty yard "snake" (put). In actuality though they usually three put, boy I am so glad I gave them that wipe that they so desperately needed.
Sitting on the bench waiting to get out I observed a lot of interesting stories (themes maybe) and I will share these with you:

-Caddies despise other colleagues reading books while waiting. Knowledge is a bad thing. A sports section of the paper is good to read but the Metro section might be stretching it.
-Their is a conspiracy everywhere against caddies getting gainful employment everywhere and the city of Cleveland doesn't allot jobs to caddies, the government and economy in Cleveland sucks!
-Caddies have simple palates and a lot of them don't like food outside of steak joints. They hate sushi and prefer Kraft macaroni, ham sandwhices and SpaghettiOs. Why would you go to a Indian or Thai restaraunt you fag?
-They like sharing how much they earn. One caddy, TDubs informed me that with his six loop this week he bumped his average loop up to $100. I forgot to tell him that I care.
-One guy named Pete bartended Sunday and Wednesday nights at a place called "Rummy's". While I am glad he had this gig, how on earth can anyone survive on a two day a week job?
-So and so's wife is a huge bitch and all she is good at is spending his money.
-The city of San Francisco is outrageously expensive and queer, who could survive there?
-One caddy said that the Cavs suck and hopes they lose. Who would wish a hometown team loses in the Playoffs I thought to myself, what a weirdo.
-If you don't smoke cigarettes you're a little weird for being so healthy.
-Local college athletes from the local John Carroll (tough athletic conference) are heroes and will get out a lot quicker than everyone else.

I am so pissed at everything about game 3.

As long as Larry Hughes is shooting, I am screaming.

Greg Anthony, along with the rest of the national media, is on the Cavs' back and I couldn't be happier. LeBron is gonna slap his junk in their faces and it will be glorious. As long as New Jersey isn't paying off the little C-Rag refs in game four, I will be watching on my television set.

Go Cavs. Screw people who spell their first name Mikky.

War on Jose Jimenez.

Top 11 Songs I Like to Pregame/Party to

11. Cotton Eye Joe - Rednex
10. Salt shaker - Ying Yan Twins
9. 3am - Of a Revolution
8. Brown Eyed Girl - Van Morrison
7. Sandstorm - Darude
T6. Living on a Prayer- Jon Bon Jovi
T6. Save a Horse Ride a Cowboy - Big and Rich
4. Crazy Game of... - Of a Revolution
3. Hey Girl - Of a Revolution
2. Numb - Linkin Park
1. About an Hour Ago - Of a Revolution

Come Stronger

Cleveland Sports Radio

The best part about being on another continent is that you dont always get to watch the games you want to watch, but you get to listen to them. And theres nothing like the voice of the Cavs, Joe Tait, and the voice of the Tribe, Tom Hamilton. It's priceless to get to listen to these two announce a game, filled with so much pride for their respective teams. The other great part is you get to hear whats going on in the local Cleveland scene, whether it be Tait or Hammy giving their opinions or stories, or the local advertisements during a break.

I listened to Game 2 of the Cavs-Nets series on The BIG One, WTAM 1100, and this is what I found interesting:

-Tait always refers to the referees by their names, and I love it. At one point one of the refs was out of position to make a call, and he exclaimed, "Bennett Salvatore just made that call from Bay Village." I enjoyed this because he used a somewhat

respectable location of Cleveland, and did not say Avon or South Euclid, that would have been a disgrace. He could have fine tuned it if he pronounced it as 'Simple Village.'

-When he takes a break, there really is nothing like it when he says, "The Cleveland Cavaliers Radio Basketball Network."

-Tait, even in his 35th year with the Cavs, can still relate to the young guys. He referred to rookie Daniel Gibson by his nickname of 'Boobie', which his mother gave hime.

-He gave us some inside information on a guy named John who works the gates at The Q. He was happy to report that John had found a job at the Brooklyn Recreation Center for the offseason, because as Tait said, "Summer is drawing near and we dont want John aimlessly walking through the streets of Cleveland as he has before."

-Every break there was a commercial for the Lake Erie Monsters, Cleveland's new AHL Hockey Team, an affiliate of the Colorado Avalanche.

"The Monsters arrive October 2007, get your tickets before they sell out." Believe

-Its always great when he sends it down to Mike Schneider for some odd notes about the game.

-Austin Carr cannot be understood on the radio, he just laughs and mumbles the whole time, but you still gotta love AC. Anybody know on the whereabouts of his son Jason? Last seen in Solon gymnasium in his final game as a US Prepper.

Great site for Tait calls, best one is the second call on the Fantastic Finishes, the famous "Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus, and he comes from Lubbock, Texas!"

http://www.nba.com/cavaliers/multimedia/Joe_Taits_Greatest_Calls-59408-44.html

In other news, how about Bron getting snubbed from the first team? Thats just a disgrace.

I'll be in Barcelona for the next few days with some pals, our hostel is on the beach, and we know the exact location of a 2 euro shot bar. Tough life.

Have a good night Evverryyybody!

IT'S DIVISION 1 FOOTBALL!!!!! go play intramurals, brotha

***Save the date***
America's preeminent set of twins that are also Jewish Comedians, the Sklar Brothers (First names-Randy, Jason) will be hosting the Jim Rome Show tomorrow. That is all.

Read Free Darko's take on our boy 'Bron 'Bron demanding the ball, good stuff. http://freedarko.blogspot.com/

Too much Barkley

T Mobile and TNT has given Charles way too much face time. If I never saw one of the Favorite 5 commercials ever again it would still be too soon. Charles and Michael Irvin are on my short list for washed up, hated celebrity athletes (please insert yours). It seems each year they've spent away from the game their legacy increases and I despise both for repeatedly calling out current players who carry much more promise than they did in their prime. I hate seeing their ugly faces, their commentary, wardrobe, and demeanor at large.

The sad thing is T Mobile is letting Sir Charles make money off D Wade in those commercials. By giving him some pocket cash to feed his addictions of betting, drinking and trying to play golf. He needs to put his clubs away and find a new hobby. Has anyone seen that swing of his? It's got more holes in it than Brad Daugherty's face, he needs to take it up to Ace Hardware or Home Depot and get it sharpened up if he continues to ebarass himself. I'm guessing he should go to the latter because he could probably get more of a discount there ( if you know what I mean).

Miles is not here for your entertainment

I was just listening to Pink's current hit "U + Ur Hand." I love hearing this song. It is so empowering to women and a wonderful commentary on current social decadence. Pink's rebellious and provocative approach, style, and lyrics provide a voice to many silent minorities who maybe just don't give a damn about conforming to it all. Just take a look at some of her song titles, e.g. Missundazstod, Misery, Numb, Lonely Girl, Hell Wit Ya, Oh My God (really profound there), and You Make Me Sick. A full list of titles can be found here and I recommend at least a quick perusal.


Uh uh uh uh uh uh uh ohUh uh uh uh uh uh uh oh
Check it out Going out On the late night
Looking tight Feeling nice It's a **** fight
I can tell I just know That it's going down Tonight
At the door we don't wait cause we know them
At the bar six shots just beginning
That's when dick head put his hands on me
But you seeI'm not here for your entertainment
You don't really want to mess with me tonight
Just stop and take a second
I was fine before you walked into my life
Cause you know it's over Before it began
Keep your drink just give me the money
It's just you and your hand tonight

Uh uh uh uh uh uh uh ohUh uh uh uh uh uh uh oh
Midnight I'm drunk I don't give a ***k
Wanna dance By myself
Guess you're outta luck
Don't touch Back up I'm not the one Buh bye
Listen up it's just not happening
You can say what you want to your boyfriends
Just let me have my fun tonight Aiight

In the corner with your boys you bet 'em five bucks
You'd get the girl that just walked in but she thinks you suck
We didn't get all dressed up just for you to see
So quit spilling your drinks on me yeah
You know who you are High fivin, talking ****, but you're going home alone arentcha?

Lebron > Kidd

Pretty sure Plain Dealer photographers are using digital cameras now, thus making it safe to say that no one wasted film on the Daddy sign.
I have to defend that sign for one reason:
At the Q they have sign stations now with posterboard and markers which are very tough to pass up....at the three games I've been to this year, I've passed the sign station twice and made a sign both times (both signs read BRING BACK REGHI and were as simple as that sign)
The man obviously had little time to design his sign, and while hurrying to his seat to get there in time for the overdone introductions, scribbled one of the first things that came to mind.

In other news, I was singlehanded responsible for breaking up Cliff Lee's no-no yesterday...three people at the bar had told me that he had "zeros" and clarifying it for myself I said 'you mean has a perfect game going' .... next batter doubled and people I didnt even know were blaming me

I got the Cavs over the Nets in 5
War on Jose Jimenez

Charles Barkley's Five

After seeing roughly 1,000,000,000 commercials involving Dwayne Wade attempting to infiltrate Charles Barkley's T-Mobile Fav5, I began to wonder who exactly Barkley's five was made up of. (If you happen to not own a TV you can watch it here.) Let's assume Ernie Johnson has made the cut. I can imagine Barkley likes to keep in contact with Ernie outside of TNT's Inside the NBA set. With the frequent calls to check in on the status of the left side of Ernie's face, as well as prank calls pretending to be Ernie's mother, I think its more than economical for Barkley to include Ernie in his group of free phone calls. Judging by Barkley's figure, I think its also safe to say that Barkley's local KFC is also in his five. No question, Barkley must call them on regular basis in order for them to prepare the adequate number of famous bowls, drum sticks, and potato wedges to fulfill the former All-Star's Hall of Fame appetite. By this same logic, lets assume Taco Bell is also included in the "Round Mound of Rebound's" five, because lets face it, you can only eat at KFC so much.Who else could be included in this exclusive group? Well, Michael Jordan and Barkley have a well documented friendship, plus Jordan clearly knows where to party, so logically MJ must also be included in this Mount Rushmore-like pack. (Insert Joke about Ernie Johnson's face carved in stone here.) Thats four people who without question Barkley is calling on an everyday basis. Assuming Barkley is detested by women (which I do) and that he isn't placing regular phone calls to Gamblers Anonymous, I believe this leaves a spot open in Barkley's sought after TMobile5. So as a plea Sir Charles, please end his misery and include poor Dwayne Wade in your five. While Wade may have gotten many gifts in the last calender year, mostly from those dressed in the black and white, I believe this honor will mean more to him than a tainted NBA ring ever could. Plus, I can't watch this shit one more fucking time.

Kindofabigdeal's final schedule

He lied to you when he said Slamball was what he was doing to prepare for finals. Here is the truth. http://collegehumour.com/article:1708317

Figo turns 24!

Happy Birthday Figo! I found this gem from a couple summer's ago.

In honor of your birthday I would like to post a Jim Rome quote of the day, I am citing my sources and heard it from Johny a few weeks ago:

"I am a huge fan of Pat Summit, really am. In fact I'm not only on the Pat Summit bus, but am driving it also."

Hideousness at "the Q"

I am embarrassed for the people in the picture on the left. What kind of sign is that? "If Jason is a Kidd, then Lebron is his Daddy!" What the hell? It is an ungodly simple and uncreative phrase, representative of the profound thinking that sweeps through the Q and the general Cleveland area. The sign also lacks any sort of decoration which would maybe distract you from the rather shameful substance. Instead, it is consistent simple blue paint on white, written sloppily with a bewildering exclamation point at the end.

The person holding it up is not some 8 year old whose dad may have commended him for the play on words and encouraged him to make the sign, but in fact it is a young adult. My guess - a twenty year old from Middleburg Heights, did pretty well and got some good grades at Midpark and is currently enrolled at Bryant & Stratton. He lives at his parents house and commutes to school in his Chevy Corsica from Middleburg Heights but works part-time shifts at a pizza joint in Brookpark. This would explain the financial wherewithal to buy the gold chain seen draped over his black "RiseUp" t-shirt.

As embarrassed as I am for the sign-maker, I am more ashamed of the fact that the Plain Dealer thought it wise to waste film on this garbage and post it on its cleveland.com website. Find something else for god's sake. Who thought this was creative or funny and decided to put this up? I understand if the simple commoner makes a hideous sign, but those charged with the responsibility of running the newspaper and the website should not take the bait on what is clearly the stupidest fucking sign I have ever seen. Please be responsible about these things. Come stronger.

Move the Chains

RoRo, thanks for qualifying which Panini's location you were patronizing, as to avoid confusion. Here is an example of how the ambiguity of Cleveland "local-chain" bars can rear its ugly head:

i.e. - "So Burt, I understand you and Crystal have set a date. That's great, congratulations! Now refresh my memory, where did you two meet?"

- "We met at Panini's six months ago."

- "That's right. But wait a second, which Panini's? Wasn't it the Lakewood Riviera location where you had your brother Mike's bachelor party?"

- "No, actually we met at the East 9th and Huron "Gateway District" location after the Linkin Park concert at the Convo."

- "Oh, that's right. Hey, let's go grab up couple at the Winking Lizard.....Coventry location."

- "Sure, just let me call Crystal and give her the heads up."

- "She can't make it. She's over at BW's...in Parma."

SLAMBALL!

SlamBall

Thought I would show you guys what I've been doing during finals.

Evening entertainment

My picks for TV tonight -
NBA - Bulls at Pistons, Warriors vs. Mav.. errrrrrrrrr Jazz http://www.tnt.tv/dramavision/index.jsp?oid=29709 (Ari needs to be taken down a peg)
24 with Jack Bauer
MLS - Chivas U.S.A at D.C the United
How I Met Your Mother
WWE Monday Night RAW
Cathouse

My TIVO will be fully operational as I am heading out to an old haunt of ours, "Rhino: Bar & Pumphouse" (whatever a pumphouse is) to take 24 shots for every year I have been on this soil. Recommendations for types of shots to take are welcome in the newly remodeled comments section. I need to mix it up.

Matt, glad to hear you're liking Ireland, that story was very very entertaining and I also liked the Matador link. I hear you get back on the 20th, that is when I leave, moving to San Fran- straight place. Enjoy your last days over there.

Bier

I heard the outdoor concrete slab in between concrete buildings at Panini's on coventry is now being referred to as the "Beer Garden at Panini's." I like the European flavor. That street has no culture save for Guys' Pizza, not to be confused with Gals' in East Cleveland.

Watching Irish people watch American Sports

A note on my name- It may me temporary, but for now the Matador will do. It was chosen in honor of Don "The Matador" Everest because he's a no nonsense all business kind of guy. You dont want to get on his bad side, and I'm going to try to bring the same vigor to this blog that he brought to Vegas.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DZQ0ctZXAGo

I figured I would change it up a bit seeing that most of the posts have been about the previous nights events and capitalize on my last few days in Ireland while some moments are still fresh in my head. Even though you may not find this funny, it is rather amusing in person.
Oh, and if you want to know what I have done the past few nights I am not happy to tell you I have been to Turkish Kebabs FOUR times in the past THREE days- one time as we were going out. You get the picture.

Four things I have noticed about Irish people when they watch American Sports
1. They love the offense.
2. They are front runners.
3. They dont understand the rules.
4. They dont understand our nicknames.

I will highlight these examples from the NFC Championship game of the Bears and Saints, even though it was quite awhile ago. I would talk about basketball and baseball, but the Irish cant exactly ehhh 'relate' to the NBA players and every European is a huge Yankees fan. They only wear Yankees clothes and I'm sure not one of them knows they signed Roger Clemens.

During the game an Irishmen realized we were Americans so came to talk to us to prove he knew his shit about football. Even though he had been binge drinking (5 or more drinks for men and 4 or more for women per occasion) he told me and my comrade that he loved the Bears because his sister lived in Chicago. He then went on the explain to us that he wouldnt mind to see the Saints win because of the whole Katrina thing- a hurricane devastated NO in case you didnt hear. So already this guy has a conflict of interest because both teams are playing each other. A minute later he told us his favorite team was the Pats and he really like Peyton Manning. (The Pats and Colts were to play each other a mere 2 hours later.) He was four for four on remaining teams.

The whole pub rooted for whoever was on offense and loved it when a team got a first down because they could tell by the line going across the screen. This same lad assumed I was from Indianapolis because I was wearing an Indians hat- this has happened numerous times in Ireland.
He also thought that the Bears nickname was THE Bears, like Chicago the Bears, like 'Here we go the brownies here we go.' At one point as the Bears were driving he screamed at the top of his lungs 'Cmon The Bears.' Simple Simple Simple.

However the best part about the night occurred when Drew Brees was called for intentional grounding in the end zone. I'll admit to a distant observor and non sports fan this is a tough play to understand, but the way they reacted was priceless.
Drew Brees threw the ball away as he was going to be sacked in the end zone. The refs then came together and talked for a few minutes. Then a ref threw a flag and Soldier Field went crazy. Then there was a commercial. When they came back the Saints were punting, not kicking, to the Bears even though the Saints had just had the ball. And two points, not three, or six, had suddenly appearred for the Bears.
The whole bar was completely silent through this whole event, and no one asked and even questioned what had happened. They all were watching the TV emotionless, didnt react, and once the Bears got the ball you could see them just shrug their shoulders and get right back into the game.
The announcers for the game were terrible. All they kept talking about was how Rex Grossman was horrible because that had been the headline in every American newspaper throughout the end of the Playoffs. Also, the analyst on the TV was a famous Rugby player who did not know one thing about football, but just kept repeating that both teams were tough and it was going to come down to who wouldnt get tired. The play by play would then respond, 'That is if the Bears are still in this game and Rex doesnt screw up.'

Simple Simple Simple.

Sorry this is so long, I figured give you guys a few updates on whats going on over here while Im still here.

In other blog-related news, sorry Kindofabigdeal, but this blog will have a lot of Cleveland Bias and thats just something you will have to deal with. I am happy to inform the other members of the blog that Kindof brings us some diversity- his favorite teams are spread throughtout the US from Hawaii to Maine and even parts of Canada to Florida. He is truly a loyal sports fan to numerous teams regardless of where they are- it usually depends on how they are in the standings.

A peaceful mountain walk

Rath i am backing hockey fan and More Woody paige.

Music i love and listen to everyday...

Nickelback
Dave Matthews Band
Matchbox20
Hootie and The Blowfish
Pink
Ben Folds
Gin Blossoms
Dave Mayer
Train

Hungover on Monday

One shouldn't be hungover on a Monday morning. This weekend was very impressive in terms of the volume of drinking and childish, immature behavior. Saturday night took a turn for the worse when one of our buddies thought it a good idea for the cab driver to take us to check out the strip club on our way home from the bar. I was drinking a bud light at the bar refraining to spend my hard earn caddy money on a lap dance when i see my good friend getting carried out by two cops handcuffed. The reason? they said he was pissing in the garbage can.

We tried to bail him out but the cop were jerking us around, we glad he is okay and well. Yesterday instead of not drinking and starting the week off on the right foot, we decided to get hammered at an outside beer garder for the Cavs game, it was 70 and sunny, excuses excuses. While I remember everything my friend and future contributor to this blog doesn't recall puking up his grape bomb three times and getting cut off at the Coventry Paninis, a very hard feat in and of itself. Instead of going home he went to a strip club on Miles Rd (the arm pit of Cleveland) where he kept drinking and ordered a chicken pot pie. I feel awful and ashamed of my actions right now but i guess it was a good weekend. Go Cavs!

Unhealthily Spiraling Downwards

I turn 24 next week. I am very scared about it. Today, for the second day in a row, I did not go to my job. I gave no reason for my absence and in fact did not even alert colleagues and superiors I would simply not be coming into the office. I simply laid in bed hibernating and occasionally rolled over to hit the snooze button for over two hours. I did happen to get out for a quick trip to McDonald's to pillage the dollar menu. I sit in my apartment watching Law & Order reruns and watching my car outside my apartment accumulate parking tickets as I remain unmotivated to put forth the effort to move it.

This is an actual account of real events. It is not my broad attempt at describing the average day of an average denizen of Painesville, Ohio.

Other Blog Names I Thought of Using, Based on People Whom I Dislike

emoRockisLife

ScoopJacksonFan

NoExcusesRule76

TillmanAmericanHero

CallMeTex

SingingJourneyisHilarious

MoreWoodyPage!

JeepCommercialAuthor

HockeyAddict

DontFuck?FineByMe

CarlosMencia4President

Quite Frankly

I just saw an "NBA Cares" commercial featuring various service work done by NBA playas throughout the world. It showed the likes of Dikembe Mutombo doing work in Africa and Steve Nash teaching kids how to read. It shows their name and then lists their team underneath as they pan from photo op to photo op. One player shown in the commercial is Jerome Williams. The team he plays for is "NBA Legend." Quite frankly, I think this is not an accurate classification of the "Junkyard Dog's" basketball career. Shouldn't he still be in the league?

My Blog Name

First of all, let me address my Blogname. I have chosen Jonny for a couple of reasons. First and foremost, it gives me the chance to boldy throw the "y" behind my name as so many crazy, fun-lovin' guys have done before me. While in the real world I shall remain "Jon" to cronies or "Jonathon" to family members, man-servants and toll booth operators, I am now Jonny in Blogworld. Secondly, I suppose it could also be an admittedly less unorthodox tribute to Jhonny Peralta (who married the Lakewood Country Club coat-check lady's daughter) and the Tribe's fine April. Jhonny has been described by his mother-in-law as a "quiet man." That seems about right.

In other news, I bought a $6.29 fruit cup today at the new Whole Foods Cleveland style. Believe it or not, this latest addition to the Eastside culinary scene has even the most loyal patrons of Kosher Chicken Restaurant opening their hungry eyes. Yes, that is an Eric Carmen shoutout.

Being a native Westsider, however, I can sympathize with The Youngest's aformentioned evening. I can't tell you how many times I have found myself alone at quasi-Irish bars in Lakewood with eccentric geriatircs. At least he was playing the tambourine and not the skin flute.

Can someone inquire about a Gawker sponsorship?

The Tambourine Man

Welcome.

I went out last night to get some socials and found a place that had 1.50 Miller Rights so one thing led to another and I ended up being out all night getting hammered. I went to like four different places and ended up at closing time at this piece of shit called Nolan's. It claims to be an Irish bar yet they don't even have draught beers and only serve American bottles out of some cooler in the corner. They do have an Irish flag draped behind the bar. Anyways, there were maybe five people in the entire place. There was a seventy year old man there getting insanely hammered. He was very gray and emaciated and looked quite blue collar. He may have been a painter or something. He should have been retired. There was karaoke at the bar but no one was in there so it became just a lonely DJ playing shitty music like Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit." The old man, however, must have been well aware of Karaoke night at Nolan's because he brought his own instruments. My night ended in a drunken haze sitting around this empty bar with a 70+ year old man with a tambourine he brought himself, blaring out "Shot Through the Heart" by Bon Jovi. No one even seemed to notice as he held the mic in one hand and banged his tambourine against his right leg with the other hand and attempted to get out the words of the legendary musician and Arena Football League diehard. Who goes to bars past 1 AM when they are over seventy years old? Who brings a tambourine to a bar?